She's here. She's awesome. Thank you so much everyone for all your prayers and calls and support. She's a big healthy beautiful girl. We're working on pictures for the blog but we're a little busy right now- so check back or email Lazlo.and.baby@gmail.com if you want to see her. Thanks guys.

and other things that will be cute once the baby is born but are just annoying now.

These days, when she wiggles her foot between my bottom two ribs and moves it all around, I don't think, "awww, how sweet; the miracle of life blossoming in my womb..."

My thoughts are more along 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' lines.

She's just so big and strong. When she gets the hiccups I can't concentrate on anything except not peeing in my pants. I can't wait to meet her so I can start enjoying all her little movements instead of dreading them.

The pattern of my last few weeks has been like this:

Friday: The doctor says, "you'll have her this weekend"
Saturday-Monday: I try as hard I can to have a baby.
Tuesday: I'm exhausted and pissed off, but don't throw in the towel.
Wednesday: I make peace with not ever having the baby. Decide to invest in more maternity clothes.
Thursday: Still semi-peaceful, but looking forward to my Dr's appointment tomorrow.

and on Friday it starts all over again. I know my OB means well, but she's succeeded in making me feel like a big failure for not having a baby by now. I'm still a week from my due date, and lots of women go two weeks past their due dates before they're induced. Three weeks seems like a really long time, but it's not. I can make it. Please just don't keep asking me if I've had the baby yet. I promise- I'll let you know.

Maybe I'll send you an email. Thanks to Lazlo the Hacker (and whichever of our hapless neighbors is unwittingly sharing their wireless internet) I am now posting from the comfort of my own home. When I accused Lazlo of stealing, he, the seminarian, explained the situation like this: "It's like sneaking our clothes into the washing machine along with one of our neighbors, only it's a really BIG washing machine, and they won't notice..." He's taken more ethics classes than me, so I guess that makes him the expert.

I saw my new doctor today. Other than wearing too much eye makeup she seems pretty rad. Her excitement level about babies is definitely a lot higher than that of the nurses at the clinic. I guess she's coming at it from a different perspective.

Anyway... the diagnosis is- I'm pregnant but not for long. (THANK GOD) She did the exam and then told me I should make another appointment for next week but she didn't think I'd make it. Poor Lazlo- he was really hoping I'd last through his finals next week. I was really hoping I'd had the baby yesterday and slept through it. We don't always get what we want.

I'm 2 centimeters dialated- which for the uniniated means my cervix is at ritz cracker status. I've got to get to rice cake status in order to push a baby out. I'm also 70% effaced- so 30% less than is necessary.

This is all to say that if you call me, I'll be busy driving over bumpy roads and jogging.

I've been at my new job for a week now, and I still like it. In fact, I like it a lot more than I thought I would. I thought I was going to be a "tech guy" -- climbing under desks, installing Windows a lot, laughing at my own bad jokes. You know the job. Well! It turns out that I'm more than that. I'm more like a DATABASE GUY here! I'm now one of those guys at work who knows more about your job and your computer than you do, but who DOESN'T HAVE TO HELP YOU. Database guys NEVER crawl under desks or install anything on your computer. When that kind of busywork comes up, they CALL somebody. I'm moving up! This time next year, my employer is going to send me to a conference. THAT's big-shot stuff, eh?

Things are going well on the baby front as well. Baby #1 (the other author of this web log, my wife) has a real doctor now, thanks to my new health insurance, and the baby (#2 -- the as-yet-unborn member of the Hollyfeld household) is head-down and full term. I've been told this is normal and good. Baby #1 is awaiting instructions from baby #2 to go into labor, and the order could come any day now. According to a BOOK, there an 85% chance that the Blesséd Event is going to occur between March 23rd and April 6th, but really we're just relying on the hormonal signals of the least responsible person not yet walking the earth.

New from Williams-Sonoma: MAKE-YOUR-OWN-PEEPS KIT! Yes, that's right! For a mere 22 bucks plus shipping, you too can avoid the hassle of going to Sav-On every single time you get the urge for overly sweetened chick-shaped mallows! Tell them Lazlo sent you and receive a complimentary awkward silence!