here are couple little moment in my life that i find funny enough or kwirky enough to share. enjoy.

story#1: the phone call

just before i left phoenix, the phone in the condo starting ringing at the god awful hour of ten, on a saturday morning. schreeeeeesh. don't these people understand the way the world works?!? anyways. here's a breakdown of the actual conversation:

girl: hello is helen there?
me: no, i'm sorry you have the wrong number?
girl: really!? is this 555-555-5555?
me: i don't know.
girl: how do you not know?
me: i don't pay the bill for this phone.
girl: who does?
me: your mom.
girl: my mo-- ?

click.

i know it was harsh to bring her mom into the situation. but for pete's sake! when i tell you that you have the wrong number, you, as the caller must ACCEPT what i say. the only person in this interaction who could possibly have performed human error = you. and when i say that you have the wrong number, you must acknowledge that you do IN FACT have the wrong number! there's no negotiation! and knowing who pays the phone bill is not going to suddenly justify you!!

in retrospect it might have been quite funny to say "helen does." and then continue baiting her, instead of saying "your mom." and hanging up. but thems the breaks. i had been watching a lot of MTV's flagship show "yo' mama" at the time.

without further ado, it's on to story number two.

story#2: the post, mon!

this one is more recent. the other day i foolishly locked myself out of my new apartment. idiot that i was, i was texting and walking out the door, locking the knob on the fly as i usually do, and then as soon as the door shuts i realize that i don't have my keys... so i can neither get in my house, nor drive anywhere to get a spare. so i call a roommate and wait.

five minutes into my wait, after i've texted everyone i can think of, the postman comes up to the door smiling ear to ear. and says "do you live here?" in a fine jamaican accent. i say yes and gladly accept the bundle of pennysaver ads.

then the postman turns and asks (read aloud in your own jamaican accent):

mr.postman: do you go to fuller seminary?
me: oh, no. but all my roommates do. i just kind of work there.
mr.postman: good. good.

(( at this point the postman starts to stuff some other mailboxes in the complex ))

mr.postman: i must ask you a question.
me: okay. shoot.
mr.postman: it's the most important question...

(( he smiles and adds suspense, suspense, suspence ))

mr.postman: have you accepted jesus into your heart?
me: yes, of course.
mr.postman: that is the most important answer...

and our transaction kind of ended there. i don't know how i feel about this. on one hand, it's not weird for two Christians to talk about Jesus. but it is weird for two Christians to ask themselves if they believe in Jesus.

And -let me state the obvious- it is weird for my mailman to ask me that sort of question. maybe he has been burning to ask that question since he has intimate knowledge of our mail and he wants to affirm our employment/student status. or does he want to criticize it!? by asking me if i believed in Jesus, was he calling Fuller a bastion of communist heretical liberals?!

i just wanted my mail.

this is my new "defense". if someone asks me anything i'm going to say that i'm writing a screenplay. or at least a situation comedy. about my life. it's going to be part Scrubs and part Doctor Who, with lots of flashbacks like Lost and Heroes (since those are oh-so-chic).

quick diatribe

!!LOST & BSG SPOILER WARNING!! - highlight text below to read. eventually i'll do some fancy ajax spoiler thing. So in the TV shows i'm watching Lost and Battlestar Gallactica there's a trend i've noticed. Jack is boning an "Other" and Helo is boning a Cylon. And they're ruining it for everyone. Let this be a lesson learned: Never trust the opinion of someone who is in love with a member of the species that is systematically trying to wipe out your species. done. back to the normal babble.

new job prospect?

thanks be to some nannying chops, i might be in a position to be hired extremely part time as... get this... wait for it... a CHAUFFEUR! a chauffeur for some hollywood producer. i'm not sure how i feel about this since it's my goal to avoid Los Angeles traffic, but even I can't deny how my last name lends to such a task. "Rupert, would you bring the car around?"

that alone could be a season in my forthcoming book and movie. or at least a blog post.

well that's about that. i'm leaving the blogging stone now to go work on websites. if anyone has wisdom about databases (specifically relational databases) and PHP database connections they want to pass on, lay it on me. for some reason i irrationally fear "mysql_connect();"

i went to an interview with a Japanese Headhunter temp agency yesterday in Downtown LA. i dusted off the ol' suit and think i did alright. the organization deals a lot with Post-JET participants (i met 2 while i was there) and the common consensus is this:

The JET Programme, though great and fascinating, doesn't amount to anything in the real world. It just kind of retards you. I'm 26 (27 on April 30th) and living abroad on my resume translates into "Unemployed for 3 years living in Japan" because my English teaching skills don't transfer over to any particular career. So I'm an old guy with about as much experience as (or less than) a freshly graduated college student.

if only they knew i had a blog and blogged about it! blog blog blog. barf.

so next week i think thought i'm was lined up for a week's worth of work downtown at some japanese bank where i'll wear a suit and transfer phone calls. update: let me stress that i'm not sure i have this job at all.

"moshi moshi. o-sewa ni narimasu. hai. hai. dochira-sama desho ka? hai, wakarimashita. sho sho omachi-shite-kudasai."

so. i'll be a suit for a week. probably want to cut my hair, but it's pretty rockstar right now. so i don't think i will for next week. maybe my future as a quasi-japanese business man will pan out. maybe not. maybe i'll just be quasi-employed for the rest of my life.

UPDATE #2: appears like i spoke too soon. this position like the other, seems to have fallen to the wayside. STATUS OF EMPLOYMENT: null.

well it's been quite a couple weeks since my last blog entry. i have lots to say and paradoxically, not much to say at all. i moved into an apartment that i share with 3 folks (2 of whom) i know through Fuller where i'm working a tid bit.

two weeks ago i thought i got a sweet job hook up making madd cash, but the lady at the headhunter agency is stonewalling me and not calling me back. mega-b! transform!

so now i'm even more unemployed than i had previously thought i was. which is a shocking thought. and my bank account is also shocked as well.

you see moving into a new place i did things like: buy a bed. and buy a desk. i bought it at Ikea, which screams of expense but i tried to keep it on the cheap. i'm just getting "10 dollar'd to death". which is my new expression for all those little $10 expenses that add up to $300 on the credit card. a man has to have pillows.

before today i had be hiding away in coffeeshops using internet but thanks to the Pasadena Public Library system, i'm now riding free internet. my cost of living has gone down.

i better go. Target is calling and i'm probably going to get $10'd again. talk to you later.

mikey. i'm going to call you.