the other week the guys from the office went out to North Scottsdale to one of those fun plex places, but for adults. like a carnival. videogames, bowling, food, beer, darts, etc; all under one roof.

sure you have to pay a dollar to play a shoot 'em up game, but you don't realize it because you bought a card with credits on it.

after buying a car, i b-lined straight for the SKEE-BALL.

all i have to say is that after a few beers, skee-ball gets really hard. takes a lot of extra-concentration to throw it straight and not too hard. but sometimes alcohol enables you to get a 100 pointer. i think i want a skee-ball machine in my house. remember that for my birthday, folks.

out of credits, i cash out. thanks to my skee-ball skills i was able to redeem my tickets for a Giant Pixie Stick and a box of Hot Tamales. Yeah! but it wasn't nearly as cool as the Electronic Fart Noise Maker that my friend T1 got.

On to bowling. this is where things get weird. sitting around waiting for our lane to open up, there was this errr..... girl there that quickly demanded our attention. she did this by flexing her enormous man-arms, doing those Mr. Universe poses. intimidating to say the least. But she doesn't stop there.... oh, no! she proceeds to try to sex it up a bit and starts moving hands all over her body,squeezing her boobies and slapping her ass. mind you, this is a bowling alley. and mind you, she's less bodacious super model and more pro-wrestler. but she doesn't stop there. she wants to whisper sweet nothings into some of our ears.

Providence shines and our lane clears. She-Hulk is put out by the fact that we have to leave her. we bowl. in the midst of our game she saunters over licks the ears of or give lap dances to the people who are sitting down.

i forget this...

while sitting down between the 4th and 5th frames she jabs my co-worker in the kidney and then proceeds to give me forceful a lap dance. the most awkward one in the world. it was like an aggressive animal trying to sit on me. nothing sexy about it. i resist - because it's awful - and she turns and says:

"YoU"RE NoT GAY ARe YoU!?? FAGgoT!!!"

[pause] I'd like to pause this story for a moment to point out the irony. She-hulk is calling me gay because I don't want her more-muscular-than-i, manly physique molesting me. [/pause]

"Uhh... are you?" I reply.
"LemME TelL You! YoU WouLdnT CAre iF I WuZ!"

at this point the girls who were sharing our lane -total strangers- came to my rescue.

"Get off my boyfriend!" - thank god. at this point, She-Hulk - in drunken defeat - retreats but not without getting in the face of my previously punched co-worker. after that little squabble, she sits down at her lane and punches herself in the face (or so i hear).

weird. and that's pretty much the end of the story... i don't think i broke 100 the whole night.

the other week i got two emails in one day with pictures attached. one from my dad and one from my cousin. they both said "THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE YOU!" i've had problems of mistaken identity before...

i'll start with the one from my cousin:

This is apparently a whiskey (or burgundy?) ad that's running in China. I think it really captures my suave, classy, debonair side.

the next one, from my dad, however, does not catch that side:

This guy is a child kidnapper from Missouri. sicko. My dad's email subject was "MIGHT NEED TO SHAVE". i have now been shaving regularly.

thoughts? do these reallllly loook like me. let the viewers decide.

Starting tomorrow my new friend, Dr.Natura, and I will embark upon an epic lower intestinal cleansing odyssey. More details as they come out...

since my posts about girls and my epic quest for love are my most ethos generating topics, here's one in the same vein.

A few weeks ago while I was in line at Chipotle ready to devour a mexican cornucopia of delicousness, a girl strolls up behind me and promptly puts her nose into a book she was reading. As much as shy, chronic readers would hate this; a person reading a book in line is extremely noticeable. It's an incredibly awkward behavior, but one I can empathize with.

Me being who I am, I wonder what kind of book is worth reading in line at a burrito shop. What could possibly be more important than burritos?!? So, without coming across as some creepy pervert, I scan the book's cover. Low and behold, like a ghost from my childhood (teenage years), I see the girl is holding a Star Wars novel - one of those post-original-Trilogy-and-loosely-sanctioned-by-George-Lucas continuations of the Star Wars Universe.

I can hear you now, oh reader, doing the math:

Star Wars + Burrito + Literate = Dave's Dream Girl

I know, for a moment, I thought so too... But don't get too far ahead of yourself.

Having been shamed by my missed opportunity with Best Buy Girl, Star Wars Girl has peaked my interest - to say the least. She -unbeknownst to her- more or less presented herself as a challenge. If I don't talk to a girl this perfect, how could I ever redeem myself against Best Buy Girl when/should we meet in the future??

So I decide to muster up the chutzpah and chat this girl up. "Is that a Star Wars book?" I say. "Wow. That's a blast from the past. I read a couple of those when I was younger.... blah blah blah pointless chatter blah blah..." We chat for awhile and we both left the conversation un-hit-on and comfortable. My goal was met, simple honest conversation to a complete stranger. Check.

Here's why she wasn't perfect. Obviously a Star Wars Fan Girl, though not as cute as Veronica Mars (who plays a Star Wars Geek in the upcoming cult classic Fanboys), this girl -by her virtuous devotion to the Star Wars Universe- has shot her self into a whole new calibur of geekdom. "Star Wars Girl" is a misnomer, a more accurate name would be "Star Wars Galaxy Girl". The difference, though subtle, is palpable. It's the difference between a girl who would dress up for Halloween as Princess Leia in Jabba's lair (ooooh la la, sexy), and a girl who would dress up for Halloween as a Rancor. I hope the difference is understood. While I could probably be happy with Star Wars Galaxy Girl, the prospect of being able to beat large crowds in a game of Star Wars Trivial Pursuit is unbecoming of a lady.

Thus I refrained from "laying down the mack". Besides, girls with that much geekery probably already have boyfriends who are Level 20 Dungeon Masters.

So regardless of a date, I feel that I walked away a champion. I can't wait until Fanboys comes out. Anyone else have the sudden urge to sit though the original Trilogy?

i've redesigned my blog (yet again). i've also changed the name (yet again) to something we're all a lot more comfortable with. "howdy mr.corporate!" and "howdy mr.nippon!" were too high of a bar for blog names. so like Apple, i've shortened the name to just "howdy mister!" this should last - until i move to hollywood because "howdy mr.hollywood!" is too good-a name to pass up.