the other day while playing wii sports bowling with my roommate, i accidentally clobbered the condo's glass coffee table with the wii-mote. it gave me quite a scare seeing how the table was made of glass and if it had shattered it'd have been embarrassing and no doubt end up on the internet somewhere under the headline "DOUCHEBAG BREAKS COFFEE TABLE PLAYING Wii".

though the coffee table went unscathed the wii-mote now has an itsy bitsy divit, but the good news is - NO LOSS IN FUCTIONALITY! how ever it is kind of embarrassing that i join the ever growing list of wii disasters.

regardless, i'm having fun with it. it pretty much rules.

at least i didn't displace my knee (wearing high heels).

this is the 666th post of howdy mr.whoever! in over 4+ years. i don't know if it's something i should be proud of or something to be embarrassed about. "i have a blog" is maybe THE geekiest statement in the history of the world.

the drama never stops! hi-ya!

Previously on Dave's High School Melodrama, while attending a work-related Christmas party, our protagonist was solicited for some kinky business. What will happen next in his quest for love!?!?!?! STAY TUNED!

so Saturday rolls around and i played Zelda pretty much all day. i'm not ashamed of this because i'm sick and i need a hobby. prior to my coming back to the states my hobby was internets - designing, producing, and viewing - but since i've come back, it's more or less been my job for the past 5 months. spending all day at working on a computer then going home to play - on a computer - was tedious and wearisome. that's why i'm taking up my ol' girl Video Games.

not wanting to leave the house, roommate and i crack an idea for a Wii Party. where we'll get the chance to play other people on the Wii (skewl sum n00bz), rather than just playing eachother over and over and over and over. the party was a smashing success!

attendees = 1.

dang! it's so hard to convince people that they will want to play this thing. fake sports is a hard sell.

rather than just the one multiplayer game, roommate and i hatch a plan to go out and buy a new game and some more wiimotes if we can find them. this = good idea. so we're off to the Techno Paradise, Best Buy.

Best Buy Girl

we walk into the store and make our way to the videogames. sidenote- i stopped by the bathrooms and all installations (urinals, hand dryer, etc) were for little people. it was kind of a fantasy land. -end sidenote. while we're browsing around in the same aisle as us is a simple girl wearing a blue shirt and emo glasses. why was she there? buying videogame. as i walk by her i see a tattoo on her arm. but it wasn't one of those "I went to Cancun and got a tattoo of a butterfly!" tattoos. it was a tattoo that said, "One day I'll be a sleeve."

naturally interest is peaked. roommate spotted her and said "this is dave's future wife." but with my sickness and other emotional rollercoasters, i'm not in the game at all. we're watching some guys play Guitar Hero II (so awesome) and she walks up next to me. thinking she's one of those guys' girlfriend, i leave so as not to start a fight because of my gawking. at this point roommate says that she started talking to us (me) and i just b-lined it out of there. which is possible.

on the way out, we see her laying down some solos on guitar hero. uuuugh. moral of the story is, i blew it. videogames. nerdy. tattooed. hipster girl. i didn't even say a word. so there you go. i'm a wuss.

if it's destiny, what can i do in my power to put it asunder? i'll just have to go to Best Buy every day now.

two girls fight over me!

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT THE DRAMA WAS ALL OVER!!!!!1 after the wii party kind of died, we all went to a bar way way up north to get some beers. we sneak a table next to a larger party of people - complete with girls humping dancing with eachother. one of the girls was dressed in pink with a jesus fish tattooed on her upper back.

time goes by and we order another round just in time for some domestic escalation! where is this taking place? Directly behind me! that's when it happened. one of the bigger girls pushed this other girl and she bumps right into me! it's all like "bitch!" "bitch!" "bitch!" friends start getting involved, including the jesus fish girl in pink. girls just running their mouths. frequent readers will know how i feel about big mouthed girls.

i see comedy in the situation so i start telling them to calm down and that "it's not worth it". apparently one random girl in the bar felt it was her job to go tell the girls next to us that they were slutes. that girl's boyfriend was caught in the middle of it all - part human shield, part completely embarrassed. that's when the girl in pink next to me says...

"I'm pregnant but I'll fight you. I'll kick the shit out of you." - Or something to that effect.

Drunk. Slutty Dancing. Jesus Fish Tattooed. Pregnant Girl. Getting into a fight. Wow.

so... i guess i lied when i said 2 girls fought over me. i should have said 2 girls fought ON me. but that doesn't have the gossipy headline i'm going for.

fin de semana

well that's about it. leave it to me to go to a bar and have a girl fight happen. i've got a pretty good track record at running into this kind of stuff. girls.... shreeeesh.

It's been a long week of making websites. Kind of abnormally busy because lots of website content finally got delivered to me. By the time I'm done with a website I usually hate it. It appalls me. And I want to vomit on it because I've looked at it so much.

Lots of drama too. Last night at a Christmas party there was an excellent Santa there. Fat (Jolly) and bearded (awesome). I turned to a girl and said "Ya know I think i'm going to be a Santa when I grow up. I have a beard and I'm a little chunky. I think I'm headed that way, to be a Professional Santa." And she says, "If there wasn't anybody around here, I'd sit on your lap right now." (GASP!) Another person whom I told my Santa prophecy to said, "Because you like little kids to sit on your lap?" (GASP!) Why on Earth is it okay to make pedophile jokes!?!?? Twisted.

It's like a rape joke. Like, if someone said, "I'm going to go talk to that girl." And I replied, "Why because you want to rape her!?!? Ha ha ha".... see.... not funny.

This suit is black NOT.

I have to write a song tonight. DLockett and I have a deal. But sickness has set me back a bit. And old guitar strings. Dang ol' bout to cut my fingers man. Well i better go. I want to play wii.

so i went to vegas. unfortunately i came back with a little less than i expected. can you imagine that!? i did however win $60 at video poker, 1/3rds of which i later lost in another round of video poker and then another 1/3rd was promptly lost to a nice lady at the Blackjack table. I'm not a big spender. However I anticipated and losing at least $100~$200 at the tables, and yet i walked away with $60.

thanks to j-to-the-jones' deep connections, we scored two tix to the Blue Man Group (insert Arrested Development reference here, here, and here).

i saw Death Cab for Cutie. made acquaintances with a kid (nary 16 years old) - we spoke the same geek language (1337). it's weird to know that i can relate to a high school nerd.

!!WARNING EXTREME GROSSNESS AHEAD!!

i came home monday and now it's thursday and I'm kind of sick. something about Phoenix and the lack of humidity is drying me out. today i woke up having to cough a phlegmy cough and when i did mightily projectile hack into the shower, it wasn't the mucous-like phlegm I'm used to. This was dry. More like a chunk of meat being shot out from the deep recesses of my throat. I'm pretty grossed out by the whole thing. the desert is leaving me dry. bloody noses aren't infrequent.

i was thinking about going to L.A. this weekend (because that's how i roll), but my sickly body probably will force me to sit on my couch and play Zelda all weekend. Chrrrrring! Hya! Doododododoo!

this weekend i'm going to "Fabulous Las Vegas" to see my old friend j-to-the-jones. i will no doubt come back from this weekend a millionaire. i look foward to being rich. i think i will buy a house. or the ozarks.

and a cherry dilly bar. i could eat me a shit-ton of dillybars right about now. butterscotch cones, oh my!

i will also be seeing Death Cab for Cutie on Sunday. they will put on a rock show! it will be a rocking success! rock over london! rock on chicago! Southwest Dot Com! DING!