"...trained for heroism as though we were circus-ponies."

so i'm reading All Quiet on the Western Front. now i know some of you are already saying "oh, i read that in high school." well my answer to you is, "i didn't."

truth be told, i was probably supposed to read it at some point and i didn't. or i faked it. that was (is) my style in high school (now).

but i don't think i would have appreciated it in high school. the language of the book itself is absolute beauty. it's like reading beautiful poetry about body parts falling off and guns ripping through the soft tissue of the heart.

Outside the door I am aware of the darkness and the wind as a deliverance. I breathe as deep as I can and feel the breeze in my face, warm and soft as never before. Thoughts of girls, of flowery meadows, of white clouds suddenly come into my head. My feet begin to move forward in my boots, I go quicker, I run. Soldiers pass by me, I hear their voices without understanding. The earth is streaming with forces which pour into me through the souls of my feet. The night crackles electrically, the front thunders like a concert of drums. My limbs move supplely, I feel my joints strong, I breathe the air deeply. The night lives, I live. I feel a hunger, greater than comes from the belly alone.

so this is a plug. i hope that you'll pick it up and maybe one day we can sit down together with notebooks in hand - pushing quotes across the table between our bottomless mugs of coffee - expounding on the vibrant descriptions, the use of metaphor, the prayers to the soil, and the horror of war.

i was updating my booklist on mr.sidebar and i realized that i haven't been posting at all this month. to date, 5 posts (including this one). d'oh. some blogger i've turned out to be in my old age. granted, i've been at this a good long while and i deserve a bit of a rest. i chalk it up to America, then jet lag, then just being a busy japanese worker... bad-ass sensei with my fly down.

snowboard-sensei strikes back!
you might remember my story from last year about going snowboarding, if not, i'm sure it's on the internet somewhere. basically, to sum it up, i fell down the moutain a lot and perferated my face. and i had a kink in my neck from this extravaganza for upwards of 10 months afterwards. call the chiropractor! but this year i was a total champ. i fell down still, quite a lot, but i didn't die. always a triumph to write home about.

we all stayed at the lodge of some of the New Zealand ski instructors that my friend L. knows because, well, she's from New Zealand. so we stayed right there on the mountain... cost: free! score! i'd like to simulate a conversation between two Kiwis (the affectionate term for a New Zealander).

"eh, mate, you reckon we should go ski or snowboard?"
"dunno, bro. reckon we should snowboard, eh?"
"heaps of powder, eh. reckon there be heaps of boarders out."
"reckon so, mate. sweetaaz, mate."

and that was the tone for the whole weekend. vegemite for breakfast, but i had jelly on my toast. it was quite a cultural learning point. japan, new zealand, australia, england and the u.s. (me) were all represented.

long story short. i'm planning on going snowboarding a lot this season. i have the next three weeks lined up! it's quite exciting. gonna hurt myself. i'm really excited about going out with my japanese friends.

tis is no goooood! meeesa see bad t'ings
so what does the future behold for me? i may jet over to Korea for a quick three day weekend, if the ticket_gods are fair to me. doubt it. japan is a heist. must take advantage of awesomeness. i kind of want to go to North Korea before America bombs it and it becomes a hot spot for people (read, halliburton employees). but i don't think i can go in.

i've thought about spending my spring break either on a beach somewhere, mai tai in hand. or going to an area afflicted by the tsunami and helping in reconstruction -habitat for humanity- type work. but i don't even know where to begin on that. or maybe another country. anyone reading this live in another country? indonesia? pakistan? turkey? morocco? mozambique? zimbabwe? kenya? sudan? anywhere? please mail if you do! unless you're the President of Nigera or any members of his treasury asking me about my bank account info, i get enough of your mails. so much world, so much airfare, so little vacation.

owari
more posts to come. but i want to put them in separate posts. as they are not suitable for the multi-topical meta-post. please endure.

so today started as any other day. i trip walking up the stairs to class because i don't wear my shoes properly. then i walk into class. the kids are "genki" (energetic) as usual romping about, laughing. the boys are fighting. the girls are warming themselves by the stove (no central heating). then one boy starts laughing in a particularly intense way. he's in fits of hysterics. i stand there with open mouth amazed at what kids find funny. i'm thinking to myself what could he find sooo funny...

as he flops around and around he begins to utter things to other kids. soon the laughter is genuinely contageous. i look at the kids in disbelief. i look at my co-teacher. we have an epidemic. then i notice where they're all looking... MY CROTCH.

that's right. i walk into class with my fly down. i catch on and not-so-smoothily get behind the podium and not-so-secretly adjust using my sweater to help me hide my shame. and shame i did feel. it was horrible... the whole class laughing at my gaping fly.

junior high kids can be so mean...

good evening y'all. been a long while hasn't it?? yes. yes, it has. sean's post has had a good two week run at the top. sean mcg, super hacker.

the long flight home
i'll start with this story... so after leaving mike, tammi, and krista i got home and milled about until nearly 2a.m. then fell asleep. then woke up at 4a.m. because my mom's house is like a billion miles from the houston airport. thanks to nine eleven, i had to be at the airport at the suggested 5:30am to catch my 7:30am flight. this is really too early, but since i overslept and almost missed my last flight home from america, airport early > airport late.

so i'm checked in and through security at five thirty. i buy some shipley's donuts, chocolate milk, and the donut-belly counter-serum. i sit down in a seat. do some business. and move seats because in a sea of seats this family decideds to physically adopt me. talking like i'm not there. so i move.

here's where the trouble starts. i start reading ol' H.p. because i've got like an hour plus to kill. i'm doing alright. the high inquisitor is driving me insane. just as they start pre-boarding for old people and rich people, i... slowly . . . start . .. .. nodding .. . off...

then BAM!

i wake up and the once filled gate is now empty of people and my heart skips a few beats. i stand up, suck in my drool and glance at a clock - i think i read the time correctly but, as it is, my time-reading motor skills haven't kicked in yet... i walk up to the counter and mumble something about Detroit and my right ear (he's quicker than the other) hears the other flight attendant behind the microphone calling "Will passenger David Rupert please come to Gate Blah,Blah,Blah...Paging passenger..."

this time, i didn't miss my flight! i made it on the plane a minute to spare. i sat next to a guy who i think was famous... at least some people knew him. from what i eavesdropped, i gathered he hosted a show on one of those hunting&fishing channels. perhaps "professional hunter/sports caster" might describe him best. i didn't talk with him at all because i slipped into a coma.

the rest of the flight back to japan was quite uneventful. i was cramped and my leg tensed up. like it was seizing. you know when you wake up at night and your leg feels like it's stuck in the electrical socket... that kind of thing. and, i had to vomit at one point, but i held it in.

and, at one point i thought i smelled like poop - slightly concerned - i went to the bathroom and the lady behind me went as well. so there i am, smelling like poop waiting for the bathroom. then, the lady standing who was sitting behind me leaves the line for the bathroom and the smell of poo goes away! it wasn't me after all! i told everyone around me the good news i had discovered.

economy class syndrome
so after 24 hours of traveling i got to my apartment and i've been more or less battling jet lag for the past week. r-o-u-g-h. i got 11 hours of sleep one night. it's like being sick again. at least i'm awake for work.

because of the pain in my leg due to crampness on the flight i had joked to some of the JETs in my town about having contracted DVT (deep vein thrombosis) on the flight. the next day my leg didn't hurt at all, so i assumed i was fine...

until..

on thursday the pain in my leg resumed. i was a bit anxious about it all. i mean, there's no reason that my leg should hurt.. is there? so i checked the internet and it says "if pain persists, see doctor immediately" - the internet always tells you that doesn't it!?

so after explaining to my work that i have some sort of blood thingy and i might die in the next few days if i don't go to the hospital, they let me go. i search the translation of "thrombosis" or "blood clot" and it translates literally to "blood stopper". so i have to tell a jillion people, 'i have a "blood stopper" and i'd like to go to the hospital, so sorry i'm gonna miss class...' they nod and bow and i'm on the way to the hospital.

i get to the hospital and my celebrity aura is in full effect as i plow through the masses. people here go to the doctor for anything. i approach the receptionist and i can tell by the look in their eyes everyone is thinking: "i don't speak English, he doesn't speak Japanese, what the hell will we do with him?" so i stand patiently in line waiting for them to build their confidence...

...meanwhile, death slowly creeps up my leg...

i get checked, insurance is dealt with and they sit me in the waiting area... NEXT TO A STUDENT! and his mother! and another teacher who is with the student!!! now, it's not a big deal. DVT is not quite as personal as say an STD or something, but still, the hospital to me is very personal. and here i am sitting next to a student - both of us playing hookey - in front of the kid's mom and another teacher. d'oh. he's there because he fell off his bike and scraped his knee, i explain i'm there because i think i have a blood clot and i might die. i don't know why it's so important to justify myself with the threat of death, but i do - as often as they let me. he goes off to x-ray and i go off into the doctor's office.

he sits me down and says the greetings in japanese. i sit down. and he starts asking me about my symptoms... i say in japanese, "leg pain, was on a plane, blah blah blah..." and he asks:

"Dispensatia?"
i'm sorry. i don't know this word. but clearly by the look on his face he's just perfomed English so i must act like i know.. so i counter with:
"Chest Pain?"
he nods affirmatively repeating "yes, yes. chest pain? chest pain?"
"No." at that point no chest pain, and i already know from my friend the internet that chest pain leads to death.

he lays me on the table and pulls my pants down to expose me to the japanese nurses. i think one of the nurses blushed at the undoing of my trousers. i was really uncomfortable so i closed my eyes and thought over and over, "he's a professional. i'm sure he has a perfectly good reason to do this embarassing act...oooommmmmm..."

then the doctor performs a bit of "medicine" that i'm not sure is science nor asian medicine. he taks my leg like it's a stock of lumber and bats the heel of my foot with his hand and asks, "does it hurt?" and i say "no." i mean, what am i supposed to say when a guy is intentionally batting my foot? it feels like someone is hammering my foot. but i supposed he meant a "special pain" of some sort.

i felt more like he was a used car salesman than a doctor. kicking the tires of an old car to prove to me that the car itself was good. no science involved really. just a sales pitch.

then he sits me up, tells me to put pants on and informs me that he thinks i don't have "Economy Class Syndrome" (Japanese for DVT). he says that i'm just sore... which makes sense because i had worked out a couple times.

so that about ends my story. except that now i sort of do have chest pains. the leg pains are gone though. i think i psychosomatically induced these pains. next phase though is i cough up blood... so if that happens.. it's serious. but i'm not worried... i think i'll be alright...

since it's one in the morning on a work night i'll stop here
so i'm going to bed now. i guess you all are expecting a report on america and my review of it... well... it'll come in it's due time. i'm a working man. i work hard for my money. see you in 2005 suckaz!!!!

Actually I didn't I just grabbed his laptop and started writing. I grabbed it hoping that he was logged in at all times and he was. I just wanted to blog one time since I don't have one. You all need to ask Dave about his toast at my rehersal dinner. It was classic.

sean