and tomorrow is my birthday. i'll be 23. in my opinion, 23 is a worthless year (these age marker debates always come up)...because i think 24 is certifiably an adult. or maybe it will be for me, since i'll grow up and go to japan. but its this transitional year between 22, hip and fun, still young just out of college, to 24, adult...wife kids career. yup. so my birthday is tomorrow and its nice because i often forget its coming.

well that was short lived. not much of a haitus, but actually i'm still slowing down a bit for reasons aforementioned. but i had some things to write about. so without much ado...

so i got the loan check from my dad (dad, being the insurance man got the loan through State Farm @ an amazing 6.75%, maybe its not amazing, if i'm getting hosed write me, but i think its still better than credit). so i got my check and i go to the old ATM to deposit and Lo! and Behold! i couldn't figure out where to sign the thing because it doesn't have those snazzy, helpful lines on the back so i start inspecting the check and Lo! and Behold! the line that has my dad's name typed underneath is unsigned! my dad forgot to sign the check! �Qu� mala suert�! so i'm powerbook-less for at least another week. rawr! why does this happen. oh well. Apple came out with new iPods. that's exciting. but now, in my indecisiveness, i'm not sure if i want it...because i don't want to have to keep a mirror of my iPod on my computer (i.e. for sync-ing purposes). if someone understands this better than me, let me know. even though i'm fired i think i'm going to try to swing a trip to new york. that excites me. and my Sarah Vowell novel talked about New York this morning. It talked of Sinatra (from hoboken) looking across the Hudson and the big city. here's some quotes from the novel that i wanted to pull out...(it was written in 2000):

the first thing you notice about Hoboken is Manhattan. If you look across the Hudson from downtown Hoboken, New York City's sharp-toothed skyline bites you in the neck. To your immediate New Jersey right is a humble little old joint called the Clam Broth House. To your left is the World Trade Center, the Empire State Building, and all the other big-shot towers of babble assembled in a united front of taunting: What are YOU looking at?

that kind of has a prophetic sense to it. i also relate to this whole chapter on Hoboken partly because of the Operation Ivy song and Rancid's affiliation with Hoboken, and also the way Vowell posed Sinatra as one of the first punks...

If you were born Somebody...you might expect starring roles in other people's dreams. If you were born Somewhere, hubris would come easy. But if you are Nowhere's child, hubris is an import, pride a thing you decide to acquire. That's what all the punks know...And it's why you buy the chutzpah of Hoboken's Frank Sinatra when he sings a silly song like "New York, New York" and tell you he'll be "top of the heap." One thing punk-and Sinatra especially-never does is take that kind of self-confidence for granted. Because anyone who comes from Nowhere knows how easy it would be to go right back.

thank you Sarah Vowell and Take the Cannoli for telling the story of my life from another point of view.

it all went down today. i wrote this big post earlier before i left work and i'm feeling now that i didn't want to say all that...so if you read it, consider it a bonus blog. but its true, my job will be ending at the end of may (1 month earlier than i hoped). its partly because of my performance, but mostly because my boss doesn't see me working there. she said that i'd work "like a trojan" in another position, but pushing paper for me isn't fulfilling and so appearantly i didn't put forth the effort she needed. i could argue that. she also said my position was a nine month position, i could argue that as well, because it was year round. but its cool its happening this way.

i have a lot of thoughts, and maybe they're come out better later. but i feel like my pride is attacked...saying, "i'm not a man, i don't work hard." that's what i hear in my head. but deep down i know i worked it "like a trojan". i also did my fair share of messing around, and maybe that's what hurts. stupid internet. well i'm going to collect my thoughts like i said and get back y'all. i might take a little haitus. just to settle myself, and seek God and repent and move forward.

my predictable life will happen like this: i will do the nightwatch tonight, i'm in charge, so i'm going to have to work hard. my money for the powerbook should come tomorrow i hope. then i'll order it monday because there are appearently new iPods coming out on monday, so i'll just wait i guess. well take care and i hope your weekend and then some is merry and bright.

the title is more for a dramatic effect, but i got a bloody nose today at work. this happens weekly i think because a) i pick my nose too much and b) something to do with the office. i think i lost a pint of blood today. i'm literally dizzy because of loss of blood. its crazy. this has never happened before...more to blog later.

i'm sure as heck not doing any work around the office, so why not write more? that's my e-solution. work for me has finally stopped. i'm all caught up and i surf the internet and read books all day. what a life.

i've been busy lately getting everything done for japan and just life in general. doctors appointments, passports, etc. i feel like every minute of my day is occupied. it all came to a climax on wednesday night. i was reading and was stressed out and i took a walk around my neighborhood to talk to myself and God about what i was feeling. why so cramped? i like to talk and pray in japanese (out loud) so i can practice and no one understands. and its how i'm thinking at the moment. anyway, the walk was nice, i was still tense though, but i've figured out the questions i'm asking God...and that's a good step.

i'm a writer.

God, teach me how to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who celebrate. let me respond with your heart.